It is has been many days since my last post. Little did I know after I wrote the last post how long that bug would hang on to Myla. And the amount washing the of sheets, clothes and use of diapers and sleepless hours we would go through. As you might know and most probably experienced...It seems in the wee hours of the mornings like this, is when little epiphany's, the connect the dot thoughts and reminders of the stuff that matters happens. So I will title this blog, 5 random thoughts.
1. I always wondered how people go through those sleepless nights with kids and still functioned during the day. So many times people said to me, you do because you have to. I know now a bit of what they mean. Worry and adrenaline can be a substitute for sleep but definitely not a long lasting cure. The stretches when Myla would be up from midnight till 3 were testaments to this philosophy.
My hope is that she continues on a path of getting better. Prayers said and still being said.
2. How helpless we can feel at times. Waiting for a child to come to you when you have been waiting so long you can say the word...years. When the child that God has entrusted to your care gets sick or really sick. When a spouse loses thier job. When a parent is diagnosed with cancer. Helpless and desperate to help.
Which leads me to thought three. What pulls us through....People are kind because God is good.
3. People are kind and amazing. I'd be fibbing if I did not say we can be a pain in the butt too.
But, when kindness from someone creeps up on me, I am reminded that God is real when I see him everywhere I look when at times I thought I could not see him anywhere. He is...and revealed in people.
Some extended thoughts on this...
When I witness weddings of people who are real and thier love stories beautiful and vulnerable and uniquely theirs. Perfectly imperfect. But marveously just right for each other.
When neighbors make so many meals for you to the point you need to make a list so you don't forget to thank them all. Sorry, I am running a bit behind on thank you's.
When people text (Can you believe it, I actually text now) just to see how you are or post something encouraging.
When the lady at Target sees that I am not quite sure how that car seat fits in the cart, and swoops in and does it for me. Thank you lady at Target with two sons. You were kind and did not make me feel stupid.
When the best dog in the whole word looks at you with soft aging eyes and asks for just a simple request; a pet or kiss (yes, I kiss my dog...deal and I consider her people). And she is so good to me even when I am the worst human.
When my husband says to me "you're doing great." He seems to know when I am doubting myself. Which is a lot these days as a new parent.
When people I have never met are willing to share and talk with me about thier adoption journey. Walk through things with me and offer not just thier insight but their heart and hope.
When my mother in law gives me a hydrangea just to cheer me up. Sorry Madonna, love hydrangeas. And peonies, and magnolia trees and birch trees....okay refocus Carrie.
And to close random thought three...I have a memory that spurs on the next lines of text. It was at a family wedding and the bride had made a sign for her uncle after being inspired...it read "How big is your God" and not to be inappropriate...my reply is pretty damn big and I am grateful. Present in the hearts of friends, strangers. And I am sorry for when I struggle to see it. Grief, frustration and feeling lost can blind you.
4. This next one is in more of a lighthearted perspective....
My house is more of a workshop than a gallery. And I think I am accepting that. I buy things because of the color, texture, shape or how it makes me feel and more often than not most of the things...don't really go together.
My house is also full of half begun projects, a gift or card or present I am color coordinating the wrapping to the gift receivers liking. Most of these projects are in bins randomly placed around the house mid creation much to my husbands dismay. Sometimes I will place a page out of a catalog on the wall or kitchen table of something that I liked for one reason or another. When will I spring into action? One day or one month. Needless to say we have a few paper piles in our house. Yes, my house is a workshop...
5. Shoot. What was five again? Oh, it seems silly now. Just a few things I miss a bit.
Visiting Patina for color shock excitement therapy and inspiration.
Garden of Eden, I need to get more lime essential oil. Vinegar, water and lime oil on wood floors makes your house smell yummy.
The rain storm a few nights ago, I love the sound of rain and I don't care if it sounds cliche. I zonked out after one of poor Miss Myla's episodes.
A visit to Ons Thai Kitchen. Off of Snelling close to Ax Man. Please go there if you haven't. Your taste buds will thank you for it. Have the pad thai for me.
And one more random thought...
I hear it is going to be 50 this week. Minnesotans...break out the shorts and long sleeve tees!
I am on year number 8 of parenting and am just realizing that life is a workshop and God is asking me to be patient with the mess. Birth is messing but the reward is so great so don't loose it in the birthing process. Birthing processes are messy -an artist needs their tools and supplies to create!
ReplyDeleteLoved your insights! And keep wishing I had a blog to write down my thoughts.
Thought of you the other day when a lady noticed me at the grocery store. She was in front of me and saw me as a "hands full Mom" . I was actually having a good day, but felt blessed by her noticing me and I could not talk her out of packing my groceries. :)