Wednesday, March 20, 2013

Oh My Little Green Monster

Last night we heard what we thought was Myla cough and move about on the baby monitor.
At first we thought it was nothing out of the ordinary but then I pondered gee,the cough sounded a little hard for just a cough. Then the crying began and I came in to her room rub her back. I was assuming or hoping she would go back to sleep.
It was then I got greeted by the a little green monster.
I was pretty sure Myla had not given herself an avocado and black bean facial...Unfortunately, she had thrown up and every inch of her face to the point she had trouble open those thick beautiful lashes. Then out of my mouth came pouring, terms of endearment and sympathy. Honey biscuit, darling, sweetums..words that normally and name creations that you would not hear coming from me....I/we felt awful for her. She kept reaching for me and I let her hold on and snuggle in while I started to assess best clean up method. Of course it would be inevitable that I would get a little woofed cookies on me anyway. Little did I know it was a moment of foreshadowing.

I brought her in the bathroom and called for Jared. We began the clean up process.
After awhile we took her back to her room cleaned and changed. All the while yelling at the dog not to help. Jared scrubbed the carpet. She looked so tired and we decided to put her back in her crib. Um, yeah.

She threw up again and when I thought she was done I pulled her out and yep you guessed it...all over the carpet until I was able to put a towel under her. The after waiting 20 minutes, and re-pj'd, mom picks her up to walk and hold her and...yup you guessed it...one last spew all over me. Sigh. But after this instance she returned a bit back to normal as if saying: I am okay, even a little happy, but oh soooo tired and a little..what the Holy Biscuts just happened to me. Then filled her pants and more mini upchuck. Gotta end with a bang, right?
And we were relieved. But still worried. So I slept in her room that night. And she smooshed her little body against the crib closet to where I lay. And I talked to her until she feel asleep.

And I slept, one eye opened two ears turned up. My friend said it sounded as if Myla was initiating you...or even hazing. Hmmm, did we make the cut?

Damage Summary...
One crib sheet
Two blankets
Moms shirt
One towel
One roll of paper towels
3 Myla outfits
Funky smelling carpet
Three turned stomachs

But I am so glad she seems better today. And I promise this will be the first, the last, the only blog in which I discuss poop and puke. I will try to be more sophisticated and thought provoking next time.


Wednesday, March 13, 2013

Crazy Coffee Lover

I love coffee. No wait... I need coffee. I dream of this sweet liquid also known as Java. I even brought instant coffee to China. I was at a Starbucks I frequented in Guangzhou and you know what? I never felt ashamed. It is so tasty on the lips and the caffeine it provides gives me a sweeter disposition. Now rest assured, I did enjoy local tea many, many times. In case any tea lovers are reeling at the possibilty I did not indulge, especially in China. I did. And my husband even more so.

So when I snuck out when we arrived home, where do you think my first stop was? Even before I got o.j. for my sick husband and bananas for our daughter? You would be right. That being said I might agree...a tidbit shameless but accurate. Hello coffee. I would like point out Dunn Bros. is connected to Festival.

What do I love about it? What do you like about the sunrise? Where to start...
Once upon a time I hated it. Did not mind the smell but thought it to be kind of gross. Sad huh? Then a friend suggested to me that I might enjoy a a little with irish cream flavoring. Pretty decent was my first thought but still, I did not crave it like I do now.

Then I met KS. I am using her initials to protect her identity. She got me hooked on coffee coolers. Yum.
Did not matter if it was 80 degrees out of minus 2. I craved them. Some of you might say that is not real coffee. But you see coffee was very smart and it knew it had to lure me in slowly.

Awhile ago when we were in Paris, (We were blessed to have visited Switzerland and France) I drank cappuccinos and it was a close to heaven experience.
Then at family dinners when coffee requests were being taken I began to oblige as well.

A few years ago I discovered the perfect marriage. Coffee on ice. All the benefits of coffee, i.e. caffiene and a rich delicious smell. You see, cold coffee quenches your thirst. Hot coffee cannot. Unless you want a burnt tongue and throat, if you do then you might have real problems.

Did I mention I walk through the aisle at the grocery store which contains coffee just so I can smell the aroma?
And this past fall when outside raking leaves I could smell the nearby Dunn Brothers roasting thier coffee beans. Two of may favotrite things. Autumn and the smell of Coffee.
And when Myla won't embrace her nap...coffee is there for me. Thanks buddy.

I could go own but I will end this coffee soliloquy.

Good day and enjoy a cup of coffee soon. I would humbly suggested Dogwood Coffee if you can get your hands on some.



P.S. My sister had Starbucks waiting for me at the airport when we arrived home from China. God Bless her. She is my hero.

Tuesday, March 12, 2013

Nope, I Can't Do It All

As I write this I am still fighting the urge to want to do it all. But I must remind myself I cannot but most importantly I should not. When I got home home and even though I was jet lagged, learning how to become a parent and understand Myla (These are life long endeavors and if I were to think otherwise I wold be a fool) and overcoming a cold, and starring at more paperwork that needs to get done..yes there is more paperwork, I did not ponder or pause and think it through and somehow thought I could create a routine where I would do it all. But then a whole day goes by and I did not mop the floor or organize my mud room and I felt...defeated.
But I am slowly realizing and whole heartily wanting to embrace my number one priority, Myla.
Attachment is an ongoing process that takes full focus. There is never a time when I can say...okay I have completed my attachment steps for today. For those of you who have adopted, you get this. Every moment is a chance to connect and build trust. To teach her what family means, and for Jared and to learn how our family will be.
Connecting, building trust that will lead to solid attachment is imperative. Experts express this over and over again in every article I read and my interactions with professionals have confirmed this. Attachment is ongoing and is built moment by moment, each leading towards a deeper level trust over time.
Myla is getting to know us, as we are her, it would be foolish to think or expect her to completely trust us after three weeks.
I pray that I learn what I can do and do better to nurture that trust. And I know I have made mistakes, but the important thing I believe is to keep at it.
So I will pause and try not to think about what I think needs to get done ( yes, paperwork tou are the exception)to get at least one more belly laugh when we play hide and seek. I will let her splash in the water a few more minutes, stroke her hair at least a dozen more times when she cries, watch in enjoyment longer as she soaks up daddy's love because if I cannot do it all let these things be the things I do...do.

Tuesday, March 5, 2013

Learning to Understand Myla

Last night was good sleeping for Myla and I. She did have about an hour and a half of social time but with much less screaming and crying than last night. We woke up for breakfast a bit before 7:00 (Yes, I said 7 instead of 3 or 4) and ate bananas, bottle and berries. We are increasing her food intake for she cries when her bottle is finished as if she will never see it again. And, the moment she first sees it she panics, cries with vigor and reaches for it. It is as if she is frightened that food will go away. At first I thought... she was just fussy but now I realize she desperate and it makes me sad. I can't believe it took me while to get that. And though she not does understand the words, "We promise there will always be food"
But we will say the words anyway.


As we work on her sleep schedule we are still doing the morning nap as suggested. I was prepping to put her down today for a nap and her diaper struggle was a real tough one. Angry Myla. And then I put her in bed.
She fussed just a bit and then I left to go get something. When I returned I paused before I stepped inside the door.
I hear her talking (babbling) and I thought it was cute. Then I realized it was different than her babbles previously. Do you know when you have that kind of day and at its end you audibly sigh and say ugg, when will this day be over? But then you have the days when you are worried or so stressed your chest is tight? Maybe tears are brimming in your eyes and you tell yourself, I am okay.
The latter was Myla. Since I've known her I feel like I have not been able to decipher often how exactly she is feeling. Hungry cry, sleepy cry. I need the visual signals I.e. staring in our kitchen, rubbing her eyes. Etc. Those have been the most clear but this moment was different.
I came in and rubbed her back and said I am sorry you are sad and you don't have to scared. And once again although I know she doesn't understand the words...
But I will say the words anyway.

Being loved makes all the difference in this life doesn't it? Whether it is by our parents, siblings, aunts, uncles, cousons, friends, co-workers etc.
We have been given clothes, toys, food in lieu of Myla. And most importantly, encouragement and love. To you everyone who has dropped off a meal, bought boogie wipes, prayed or wished us well, sent a card or an e-mail or phone call.
We thank you. And though I feel my words are not enough to express our appreciation...
But I'll go ahead and say the words anyway.

Thank You. Much Love.
Enjoy the beauty of the snow, curse the shoveling....
Carrie

Monday, March 4, 2013

Confessions of a New Parent




We have been home for almost four days now and working to adjust to our new life; all four of us. Yes, our beloved dog is adjusting too. She does not quite understand why she has competition for affection but is doing rather impressive in my opinion. She mostly just looks at Myla and on occasion does a drive by licking. Myla looks shocked then laughs.

For the most part I think Myla is adjusting fairly well. Her sleep schedule is off which is to be expected. She just experienced a 14 hour time difference. I thought maybe somehow I beat the dreaded jet lag but on day two home I slept when Myla napped and could have slept more. Her first night she awoke at 3:55 am to start her day, the second day it was 4:30. All with what I call her social hour in the middle of the night (Yes, it is 2:30 am while I am typing this) accompanied by some screaming and crying. I can tell she is sad and frustrated and it comes out at night. Everything keeps changing...form leaving her orphanage and her caregivers, to hotel room and then another hotel room and now here, the land of 10,000 lakes. It is a lot to handle for a such a wee peanut. During the day she is pretty even keel with a few moments here and there of frustration. When she hungry trust me she lets you know it and don't take her bottle away to readjust. Mad Myla. We joke and say it would be like if you took my mother in laws Pinot Noir away. Hi Mickie.

So I thought I would also share a few confessions from a first time mom...

- I put her diaper on backwards the other day.  Interestingly enough I nannied in the summer as a teen and in addition probably have baby sat over a dozen different babies in my life. Hence, changed quite a few diapers. But I decided to bless my daughter with this mistake.

- Sometimes to amuse Myla I give her a pilgrim hat. It is a diaper on her head sideways and then we look in the mirror. Okay, maybe I find it more amusing. Try it, you'll like it.

-Also, bath time is a favorite of Myla's and mine. She splashes and laughs. She loves having water poured on her back. Then I like spike her hair out. The other night I let it dry that way.  She looked like a mad scientist. Awesome.

-I got really excited to go to the grocery store today when she napped. You would have thought I was going to an amusement park. Yippee, just me for 20 minutes outside of my house. For those who know me I have a bit of a short attention span and I get antsy pretty easily.
Funny thing is I thought about Myla the whole time and...

-How nice it has been to spend this kind of time with my husband. Granted with napping and me sleeping on a bed in Myla's room means we haven't have oodles of time but it is more than we have had in the a long time and being with him in China was pretty sweet too. I will miss when him when he returns to work next week. He helps me wrestle the hulk aka Myla during diaper changes. Never knew a kiddo who disliked diaper changes so much. Still I have yet to convince her that not sitting in her own poo is a good thing.

-In case your wondering why I am I Myla's room...it is recommended that they not be alone when they are adjusting, grieving, and attaching. Imagine sleeping in a room crib to crib with thirty other babies/kids the first year of your life then have someone put in a room by yourself and shutting the door? Kind of scary. I plan to do this for a couple of weeks.

-I am a bit of a worry wart. Okay, more than a little. My old worries have been replaced with new ones as a first time parent. But I have to admit somethings have changed. Perhaps that epiphany should be saved for another blog. Lucky you, right? Har har.

It is now 3:16 am and I should try and steal more sleep before Miss Myla wakes. So I guess Good Morning is appropriate. God Bless. Oh, and eat a cookie, it is Monday.