As I write this I am still fighting the urge to want to do it all. But I must remind myself I cannot but most importantly I should not. When I got home home and even though I was jet lagged, learning how to become a parent and understand Myla (These are life long endeavors and if I were to think otherwise I wold be a fool) and overcoming a cold, and starring at more paperwork that needs to get done..yes there is more paperwork, I did not ponder or pause and think it through and somehow thought I could create a routine where I would do it all. But then a whole day goes by and I did not mop the floor or organize my mud room and I felt...defeated.
But I am slowly realizing and whole heartily wanting to embrace my number one priority, Myla.
Attachment is an ongoing process that takes full focus. There is never a time when I can say...okay I have completed my attachment steps for today. For those of you who have adopted, you get this. Every moment is a chance to connect and build trust. To teach her what family means, and for Jared and to learn how our family will be.
Connecting, building trust that will lead to solid attachment is imperative. Experts express this over and over again in every article I read and my interactions with professionals have confirmed this. Attachment is ongoing and is built moment by moment, each leading towards a deeper level trust over time.
Myla is getting to know us, as we are her, it would be foolish to think or expect her to completely trust us after three weeks.
I pray that I learn what I can do and do better to nurture that trust. And I know I have made mistakes, but the important thing I believe is to keep at it.
So I will pause and try not to think about what I think needs to get done ( yes, paperwork tou are the exception)to get at least one more belly laugh when we play hide and seek. I will let her splash in the water a few more minutes, stroke her hair at least a dozen more times when she cries, watch in enjoyment longer as she soaks up daddy's love because if I cannot do it all let these things be the things I do...do.
Carrie, you are amazing. You are right in the fact that no parent can ever really do it all....but clean floors mean less and less once you have a child (I mean, come on....you've seen our house! haha). It is obvious that the bond you are building with Myla trumps it all...and you can be comforted in the knowledge that the less organized the rest of your life may be, the stronger your bond with your beautiful daughter becomes. There's nothing better than that. - Farrah
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