Wednesday, August 27, 2014

Myla's Mama Bear

Sometimes I forget what my family looks like. Okay maybe that sounded dumb. I hope you can see what I mean. Or maybe that is just I am used to my family. A short brunette, a tall blond, a sweet and saucy little girl all of us with heritage that includes that of Bohemian, French, German, Swedish and Chinese.

But there have been times as I am living daily life that I run into people that see us and stop. And sometimes stare.

Like the little Hmong girl at the farmers market. She stared at me, then Myla, then me, then Myla. You're white. She is Asian. You're white. She is Asian. I get that she is trying to figure it out and I smile at her.

When I am at a busy playground and meet someone new and they look for which kid is mine. Suprise!

I completely get curiosity. I understand someone trying to figure it out. I am a person who likes to figure things out myself.

But when you get that "could this be negative/is this hurtful/uncomfortable to my daughter" feeling. Mama bear is at a stance.

Here is a time when that was the case...

We were up at a playground up north (That is what we Minnesotans say when we go even further up north in this state, maybe we should say north, north or heading to bear country)staying at a lake resort and my little one is playing with a gaggle of little girls ranging ages 5-9 (Myla is 2 and a half). They are all giggling, having a great time which is fun to see, and happen to be all blond. Now, anytime Myla sees girls a bit older, as gets comfortable she moves into a state of being enamored. Thrilled to watch and be near them. My little girl is so curious and open.



Myla had been coming to the playground with us for days now. And I had noticed this one little girl over these few days would stare at Myla. A lot. A lot. She was also definitely the leader of the pack. They interacted a little Myla. Age was a factor of course.

But one day this young girl walked up to me and said "What is wrong with her nose?" At first I thought “Oh, no she has massive boogers crusted on or did she scrap or hurt it?”
Then I answer outloud, "Oh she must have something on it." The little girl says "No, I mean why it is so flat?" Her face had a slightly disapproving scrunch to it. I thought of a million ways to answer in about 3 seconds to choose. Internally my responses varying depending on which emotional thoughts welled up and I let take over... “Oh she is just curious.” to “There isn't anything wrong with her nose what's wrong with yours?” The first sounding calm the latter a bit upset. Okay very upset.

I carefully chose... "Well actually that is just the shape of her nose. Nothing wrong."
I thought leaving it simple was best. Now about 5 seconds after, I thought about "She is Chinese...God made her that way..."
Maybe I could have been more complete. But I don't know.

Now, the question that was posed to me could have come from many places. Hopefully, a place of curiosity. And the thing is I could handle it. Although I did get a little upset inside. No one wants their child to be judged. At this age Myla I am not sure fully understands or the many ways to interpret it. Thank goodness.
But this good practice. How will I handle it when Myla does understand possible implied meanings? How will I help her respond in a way she honors herself, and her own comfort level? There will be many questions about many things I am sure to expect this.


Sometimes I forget that people do not work, live or operate in places with people who look different then themselves. Being in education and particular institutions I have worked at, I have been blessed to be around diversity.

It is a balance. Respecting curiosity, educating, hoping for good intentions, being prepared for intentions that are not. And how do I best prepare myself, my family, my daughter? A lot to ponder, pray and learn.


Please don't simply think wow, that mom she is too sensitive. Or, I am sure she mean nothing and stop at that. You could be right. But please understand I am just being a mom. I want my daughter to feel good about who she is. She shouldn't feel any other way. She is wonderful. Perfectly imperfect just like everyone else. I am just sharing the waters I am just beginning to tread as a mom that has a daughter who does not look like herself. And I wouldn’t have it any other way. Our Family looks like exactly how it is supposed to. God designed it.

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