We said goodbye to our sweet, sweet girl Spunky dog yesterday. I knew it would be hard. I knew it would be painful. But nothing can prepare you for the moment when you decide it is time. A heavy responsibility and so surreal the moment when they are gone.
Our hearts just in this moment want one more kiss, one more time to rub her ears her belly and one more time to snuggle, to throw her ball and watch her run. In her younger years boy, that dog could run and fast. But we are beginning to realize it will never be enough. To say I/we miss her is an understatement. A part of me is missing. A part of Jared is missing. We put so much of ourselves into her. The abscence of her presence is overwhelming.
But I look forward to the time when thinking of all the sweet moments, minutues and memories of her will bring comfort to us even joy for the 11 truly wonderful years we had with such a special being.
Some may scoff at this but I believe she is in heaven where tennis balls, swimming pools and lakes out number the stars. The attributes and traits of dogs are pure and good and unconditional. Through them we experience what is true and good.
Wise, sweet, curious, feisty, loyal, sensitive, joyful, playful and of course Spunky.
Jared and I will miss her and it will be hard. But we are so grateful for the gift of her.
Friday, August 23, 2013
Wednesday, August 7, 2013
Behind Our Eyes: Part one
When I began writing this blog my main motivation was to document our adoption journey; before we brought our daughter home and all the days, months and years after. It is also because I am in love with words, I am love with the magic of writing. Of language. Ink or should I say text on a page is enlightening, fascinating and when writing... a type of catharsis. I feel more connected to humanity and the human experience. Hoping that doesn't sound arrogant or full or fluff.
More than just words, I love stories. Words allow us stories. I enjoy learning about people and listening to their stories. I like to learn what is behind their eyes. And we all have stories, don’t we? This is not to say I have an innate right or a license to be nosey and know these stories. Unless, it is through the trust of friendship or someone else who needs to speak their heart, connect or simply to speak on a blog such as mine. It is important that we wait for permission to know their stories. It is important that we own our stories and share them when the time is right with the right people.
And I am thankful for the many in my life who do. Friends and those who are open to speaking thier stories on a blog.
Now, as a mother I find myself craving stories (amongst so many others) that give me a gleam into an adoptees heart. Like with many things in life we lose something to gain something.
Some of my questions include: Do they feel lost? What did/do they most struggle with? What can a parent do to help?
Many adoptees do share stories of identity loss and confusion. Many adoptees firmly state that they know who they are. Which one will Myla be?
And that is why I read. Soak in the words. Truly and sincerely try to empathize as much as I can so that I can understand (as much as anyone can who has not themselves experienced it).
So below are the words weighing on my heart if and when (when is more likely) my daughter might doubt herself.
I love you. Your dad loves you.
You have our love always, no matter what.
If we fail to love you well, know that doesn’t change that we love you with our whole being.
We are the lucky ones.
You are fearfully and wonderfully made.
Please don’t be afraid to ask questions even if they hurt to ask.
If you find yourself in a dark place do not sit in silence. Do not stay in the dark. Let me sit there with you. Ask for help to turn on the light and help you speak the words.
You are beautiful.
You are brave.
Seek the truth.
God is with you.
Within in you are limitless possibilities.
And if anyone tells you different send them my way.
You are our beloved daughter.
And a million other thoughts I can't think of at this moment.
And while this next statment may sound contradictory, the words above don't quite cut it however they are pretty darn close to reavealing the condition of my heart so I will take it and speak and write the words anyway.
More than just words, I love stories. Words allow us stories. I enjoy learning about people and listening to their stories. I like to learn what is behind their eyes. And we all have stories, don’t we? This is not to say I have an innate right or a license to be nosey and know these stories. Unless, it is through the trust of friendship or someone else who needs to speak their heart, connect or simply to speak on a blog such as mine. It is important that we wait for permission to know their stories. It is important that we own our stories and share them when the time is right with the right people.
And I am thankful for the many in my life who do. Friends and those who are open to speaking thier stories on a blog.
Now, as a mother I find myself craving stories (amongst so many others) that give me a gleam into an adoptees heart. Like with many things in life we lose something to gain something.
Some of my questions include: Do they feel lost? What did/do they most struggle with? What can a parent do to help?
Many adoptees do share stories of identity loss and confusion. Many adoptees firmly state that they know who they are. Which one will Myla be?
And that is why I read. Soak in the words. Truly and sincerely try to empathize as much as I can so that I can understand (as much as anyone can who has not themselves experienced it).
So below are the words weighing on my heart if and when (when is more likely) my daughter might doubt herself.
I love you. Your dad loves you.
You have our love always, no matter what.
If we fail to love you well, know that doesn’t change that we love you with our whole being.
We are the lucky ones.
You are fearfully and wonderfully made.
Please don’t be afraid to ask questions even if they hurt to ask.
If you find yourself in a dark place do not sit in silence. Do not stay in the dark. Let me sit there with you. Ask for help to turn on the light and help you speak the words.
You are beautiful.
You are brave.
Seek the truth.
God is with you.
Within in you are limitless possibilities.
And if anyone tells you different send them my way.
You are our beloved daughter.
And a million other thoughts I can't think of at this moment.
And while this next statment may sound contradictory, the words above don't quite cut it however they are pretty darn close to reavealing the condition of my heart so I will take it and speak and write the words anyway.
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