Thursday, August 28, 2014

One is Wonderful

Just one? A common response I get to the question I get asked when people want to know how may kiddos I have.
Most of the time it is simply a matter of numbers and nothing more.
What is tough is when I get the tone...something is wrong with that.


Some responses I have run into...

Don't you like children? That one I find rude and presumptious. Even if I didn't, why do you feel comfortable asking that? And I also If was someone who did not want to have kids does not mean I don't like them. Geez. Or actually maybe I am someone who doesn't. It is all okay.
Don't you worry about her being lonely? (Of course I do. Thanks for pointing out the obvious)
Why did you wait so long? It wasn't my choice. And for some people (a lot of peopple) you don't meet your significant other till after 30 or 35 or 40. Some people can't grasp that. I met my husband fairly young. But that sometimes has nothing to do with it. I could share my story that we tried to adopt for almost 7 years...oh wait do I need to share my personal life with you?

We all get awkward questions that whether intentional or not, thoughtless or not, they wound us. Deeply. Why aren't you married? Why don't you have a job? Why do you only have one child? Why do you have so many? Insert raspberry sound here...

Those who are not in your shoes are always ready to offer the old advice "Don't worry about, they did not mean anything." And sometimes BUT not always, they didn't or didn't think about what they were saying. However, it doesn't mean the knife wasn't sharp anyway. I still got cut. It is important not to care about the thoughts of others is some instances, but we are human. And protecting ourselves, intrepeting it correctly and framing it right is not always easy.

But before this blog gets to heavy or downtrodden I want to to frame the number "one." Because one is be wonderful.

For instance...

1. (Ha Ha, what a pun)
2. When you finally meet the one you have been hoping for (if in fact that is your path)and you ask/get asked that one wonderful question
3. That one moment when something becomes crystal clear
4. Having even just that one friend you can share the darkest parts of your heart and know they will still love you tomorrow.
5. Finding that one perfect word to describe a feeling or descriptor for a a sentence or idea you trying to convey in the blog post you are writing.
6. When you figure out one thing that could make someones day a little brighter
7. When you find that one correct answer to a math problem. Although that is why I hate math. Only one answer. Ooops.
7. When the doctor says you only have one more chemo or radiation treatment and you are responding well.
8. When you take the first step that one step that moves you forward when you have been standing still so long.
9. That winter is only one season of the four seasons in MN (Sorry Skiiers).
10.That after moving to a new program we got matched with our daughter in about one year (YEAH) after waiting six years.
11. One hug can heal
12. When you have the chance to focus on one thing at a time. (Wait, when does that happen)?
13. When you find the one shade of grey that will be perfect on your bedroom walls!
14. When you find that one moment when time stands still.
15. That there is only one you. That is pretty amazing (Okay random person out there give up your clone dream).
16. That there is one sun. Two, way too hot! Whew!

Now of couse all numbers have their pros and cons. I respect all numeric symbols and the roles the play. Like, Carrie here is six free latte's. Or no, you only get one more latte ever! That one, might be the one time I actually physically hurt someone.

And when I speak of having one kid know that I love big families too. I always dreamed about big families when I was a kid. Way cool. So are small families. So are all families. Whether your family is a group of friends. You and your partner in crime. You and your entire school bus. You rock.

But this one door is the one God opened for me at this time. This is the one X marks the spot, the place I am to stand chin up.

This is one beautiful little person He has entrusted to our care. Myla was the one for us and we were the ones (I know two) for her.

This one gift is glorious, is precious and is just what we needed.

Wednesday, August 27, 2014

Myla's Mama Bear

Sometimes I forget what my family looks like. Okay maybe that sounded dumb. I hope you can see what I mean. Or maybe that is just I am used to my family. A short brunette, a tall blond, a sweet and saucy little girl all of us with heritage that includes that of Bohemian, French, German, Swedish and Chinese.

But there have been times as I am living daily life that I run into people that see us and stop. And sometimes stare.

Like the little Hmong girl at the farmers market. She stared at me, then Myla, then me, then Myla. You're white. She is Asian. You're white. She is Asian. I get that she is trying to figure it out and I smile at her.

When I am at a busy playground and meet someone new and they look for which kid is mine. Suprise!

I completely get curiosity. I understand someone trying to figure it out. I am a person who likes to figure things out myself.

But when you get that "could this be negative/is this hurtful/uncomfortable to my daughter" feeling. Mama bear is at a stance.

Here is a time when that was the case...

We were up at a playground up north (That is what we Minnesotans say when we go even further up north in this state, maybe we should say north, north or heading to bear country)staying at a lake resort and my little one is playing with a gaggle of little girls ranging ages 5-9 (Myla is 2 and a half). They are all giggling, having a great time which is fun to see, and happen to be all blond. Now, anytime Myla sees girls a bit older, as gets comfortable she moves into a state of being enamored. Thrilled to watch and be near them. My little girl is so curious and open.



Myla had been coming to the playground with us for days now. And I had noticed this one little girl over these few days would stare at Myla. A lot. A lot. She was also definitely the leader of the pack. They interacted a little Myla. Age was a factor of course.

But one day this young girl walked up to me and said "What is wrong with her nose?" At first I thought “Oh, no she has massive boogers crusted on or did she scrap or hurt it?”
Then I answer outloud, "Oh she must have something on it." The little girl says "No, I mean why it is so flat?" Her face had a slightly disapproving scrunch to it. I thought of a million ways to answer in about 3 seconds to choose. Internally my responses varying depending on which emotional thoughts welled up and I let take over... “Oh she is just curious.” to “There isn't anything wrong with her nose what's wrong with yours?” The first sounding calm the latter a bit upset. Okay very upset.

I carefully chose... "Well actually that is just the shape of her nose. Nothing wrong."
I thought leaving it simple was best. Now about 5 seconds after, I thought about "She is Chinese...God made her that way..."
Maybe I could have been more complete. But I don't know.

Now, the question that was posed to me could have come from many places. Hopefully, a place of curiosity. And the thing is I could handle it. Although I did get a little upset inside. No one wants their child to be judged. At this age Myla I am not sure fully understands or the many ways to interpret it. Thank goodness.
But this good practice. How will I handle it when Myla does understand possible implied meanings? How will I help her respond in a way she honors herself, and her own comfort level? There will be many questions about many things I am sure to expect this.


Sometimes I forget that people do not work, live or operate in places with people who look different then themselves. Being in education and particular institutions I have worked at, I have been blessed to be around diversity.

It is a balance. Respecting curiosity, educating, hoping for good intentions, being prepared for intentions that are not. And how do I best prepare myself, my family, my daughter? A lot to ponder, pray and learn.


Please don't simply think wow, that mom she is too sensitive. Or, I am sure she mean nothing and stop at that. You could be right. But please understand I am just being a mom. I want my daughter to feel good about who she is. She shouldn't feel any other way. She is wonderful. Perfectly imperfect just like everyone else. I am just sharing the waters I am just beginning to tread as a mom that has a daughter who does not look like herself. And I wouldn’t have it any other way. Our Family looks like exactly how it is supposed to. God designed it.